Gay mathematics

I have had many recommendations to invite one Ms Melanie Phillips to the inaugural meeting of my supper club, but I’m not so sure.

My assistants were good enough to provide me with a couple of her articles however, and she certainly seems to make a convincing case. I had no idea, for instance, that homosexuality was to become mandatory, nor that the Gay Inquisition had designs to destroy normal sexual behaviour such that has occurred in all of God’s creations since time immemorial.

“..schoolchildren are to be bombarded with homosexual references in maths, geography and ­science lessons.

They will also mean youngsters are exposed to images of same-sex couples and books such as And Tango Makes Three, which tells the story of two male penguins raising a chick, which was inspired by events at New York’s Central Park Zoo.

And it’s all part of the ruthless campaign by the gay rights lobby to destroy the very ­concept of normal sexual behaviour.

As the old joke has it, what was once impermissible first becomes tolerated and then becomes mandatory.

It seems that just about everything in Britain is now run according to the gay agenda.”

Too true, Ms Phillips, too true. Sunday dinners, council tax, double glazing. All gayer than a 9-bob penis.

I for one would not want to have sex with a four-year-old child, yet this is precisely what will be soon be compulsory. And what is the reaction of those charged with undermining decent English society? Ms Phillips tells us-

“David Watkins, a teacher who is involved in the scheme, said: ‘When you have a maths problem, why does it have to involve a straight family or a boyfriend and girlfriend? Why not two boys or two girls?

‘It’s not about teaching about gay sex, it is about exposing children to the idea that there are other types of people out there,

Pull the other one, Mr Watkins- we are now wise to your evil plot to make us have sex with men’s bums.

I shall reserve judgement on Ms Phillips for now- let us see what else she has to say and perhaps, if she is lucky, she will be receiving an invitation to dine.