Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Enemy mine

As the trauma of the Japanese rumbles horrifically on, I continue to search both for the true cause of the earthquake and some experts in this field willing to discuss the topic over dinner.

Thankfully the online debate is way ahead of me. With plate tectonics ruled out, some thought was given to the effect of the Supermoon- a catastrophic movement of the moon 1km closer to the Earth said to cause earthquakes, tidal waves and nuclear meltdowns.

However, as my window cleaner explained to me several times as he saw to the Edwardian sashes in the master bedroom, the recent supermoon was predated by the earthquake and Tsunami by more than a week. I’m not sure whether this proves something or not, since I have now become very confused and, besides, have happened upon a better explanation- “Cosmic Wobble”.

This is a term I have coined myself, but is eloquently summarised by CB:-

“All due to emptying the centre of this planet, and overweight of concrete cities, spiralling the planet out of control- CB, UK, 11/3/2011 14:29

The whirlpool happening in the ocean is the ocean emptying in the earths empty centre caverns due to over excavation of the centre. - CB, UK, 11/3/2011 15:30”

Of course- it’s so simple. You mine all the rock out of the Earth and put it up top, and what do you get? Instability!

This is particularly true if you have an uneven distribution up-top. China, for instance, has a population of over a million people, meaning more cities making us wobble more! Let alone the effect of the Himalayas or too many people holidaying in South America at the same time.

If we have any sense we’ll pump the oil back in the ground, knock down our cities and lie spread eagled on our fronts (evenly distributed) before we go spiraling even further off into the blackness of space!

Adherents to this theory must stick together- Eddie John has CB’s back:

“No surprise you got red arrowed as people only see the ends of their noses but I have often wondered how we can keep dispalicing all that weight and liquid by taking oil out of the ground and it not have any effect on the gravity of the earth. So CB there are two idiots in the world.......or are we. - Eddie John, In the real world, 11/3/2011 15:04”

Not just two idiots, Eddie- three. Count me in.

6 comments:

  1. I find it hard to believe that China has more than a milion people, but it makes sense that if you pump 100liters of oil out of the ground, the world it will become 100 liters heavier- basic maths!

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  2. Lord Percy,

    The effect you're describing is in fact known as "Planetary Spiralation". It was first observed in Russia in 1926, when too many people in Brazil sneezed simultaneously whilst facing in an Easterly direction.

    It was observed again in 1952, when mechanised diamond production in South Africa caused the Earth to proceed in the direction of the Outer Planets due to heavier fingers in developed countries, but was reversed by increases in the import of bananas, the skins of which went to landfill, thus making the planet lighter and restoring us upon our current trajectory.

    However, as a close study of the first Superman film shows, spiralling the Earth too fast can cause time to speed up. China is now erecting far too many skyscrapers, which is why last Tuesday just seemed to fly by.

    Yours ever,

    Dr B

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  3. These people only know half the story. We are also pumping unprecedented amounts of gas out from underground. When the gas gets out it goes into the sky where it presses back all the rocks and people against the earth. So it's all in fine balance. But what would happen if all the world's fish suddenly swam in the same direction? No-one's asking that one.

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  4. Something unmentionable stuck to my monitor made me read that as 'all the world's Irish'. Not that Science has addressed THAT question either, the lazy swines.

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  5. Captain Speechly24 March 2011 at 02:12

    Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, teach a man to catch the Irish and he'll eat for a lifetime

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  6. Nor have the bloody Irish themselves, we might note in passing.

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