Cartoon Time

One wonders what the world’s coming to when the Foreign Office wastes our money on a cartoon discouraging terrorism.

Wish you Waziristan charts the progress of two young men off to do a Jihad, but what will the intellerati of the internet make of this and will I find some companions to dine with?

I’m in luck. The musings of Asdral set the tone rather well-

“Perhaps if we stopped allowing immigrants to bring all their ethnic baggage with them and ramming it down our throats…” they say.

I call them “they” because I cannot work out their gender. Perhaps readers could examine Asdral’s other comments for evidence, whilst being entertained by tales of drinking, surgery and an ongoing dispute with their father-in-law?

Anyway, Asdral continues:

“…actually wanting to integrate with the country who is giving them respite from their alleged persecution maybe I could care what any of them want.”

Quite right- if we’re going to let these so-called refugees, fleeing humanitarian crises that I’m pretty sure have been made up by the BBC, live in OUR country they should have the courtesy to learn one of the most complex and nuanced languages in the world on the ferry to Dover. Asdral concludes-

“Religion should be allowed but not at the expense of Christianity.”

A well-reasoned point, Asdral. Jesus is a fact. BlairM, meanwhile, blurs the line between fantasy and reality with

“I find it hard to believe that 2 muslims simply felt the need to go to a terrorist training camp just because they witnessed a 'racist attack'”

Given that the cartoon is a) a cartoon and b) based on a true story I’m not sure where that leaves us. However, I agree that there is no such thing as a “racist attack”, because there is no such thing as “racism”, only Common Sense.

MaxShalamar2112 from Engladesh continues the theme of sceptical quotation marks with

"Can we get a quote from "Baroness" Warsi?"

And Rebel44 has an idea for some interactive media

"save all our money and simply show a sign for 30 seconds that reads 'GET CAUGHT HAVING ANY INVOLVEMENT WITH TERRORISM AND YOU WILL BE HUNG'..easy."

The idea makes me not a little aroused. I might log on and watch that right now!

The boys are black in town

It is the occasion of a state visit! President Obama has chosen to grace the beautiful, historic and glorious shores of England, and he also went Ireland.

But what’s this? Despite being a Black, Obama claims to have Irish ancestry? How could this be possible? Aside from his face being black, it is simply not possible for Irish people to be black, as my latest dinner guests explain.

badfrog gets the ball rolling by pointing out:

“The irony of Americas 'First black president' scrabbling around to show his Irish roots.”

He’s right- it’s very, very different from me visiting the grave of my great-great-great grandfather in rural Gloucestershire because I don’t have a brown face- Simples!

But there appears to be a socio-politico-anthropologico-mathematico basis to this as well, which neatly exposes how the so-called “Equality agenda” is in fact a conspiracy to enforce a world religious banking system upon us all, as elucidated by horatioharbinger:

“It makes complete sense

In order to destroy a culture you have to destroy the people who promote that culture. Therefore when you call someone 1 part black and 99 parts white, black, it means you effectively destroy that culture and people, making them realise that they don't have any culture and are all infact the very same as one another.”

Chilling stuff! But here comes the science part:

“The saying goes that we all came from Africa, from the Negro people, yet at that time Africa was part of Europe joined to what is now Spain, so there were no Africans then per se.If you continually keep promoting the lie that we're all black then people will eventually get used to the idea that we're all the same, come from the same culture and are no different to one another and thus the creation of a one world government, banking system, religion, culture moves much, much closer to its overall destination. You effectively brainwash people with doublespeak.

The truth that a black man/woman in England, born here of black parents, will never, ever, ever be English, that is of the Germanic/Celtic peoples who gave it its name and culture. And yet the promotion of black people, representing England in many fields continues to promote the destruction of indigenous culture within the UK. The same can also be said of anyone outwith the Celtic/Germanic peoples of white Europe born here also. Whether Asian or Chinese origin, they will never, ever be of this culture, firstly because they are of their own culture and secondly because the indigenous culture within the UK no longer exists.”

If I’ve read these theses correctly, it means that if you have brown skin then you are an African, and cannot be Irish, nor adopt anything other than the African culture BUT the New World Order wants us all to THINK we’re all Negroes to undermine the cultural values, which no longer exist, of people with white faces in order to create a “Global Banking System” UNLESS you are a black person born of white parents, in which case good luck to you.

I am chilled to the bone. The day we have a "Global Banking System" will be the day we all speak African because we’ve been convinced that we’re Negroes.

So be on your guard and remember- the next time someone calls you 1 part white to 99 parts white, black, remember that if you look like THIS:

You CANNOT have been born HERE:

 

Let alone being able to understand THIS:

Because you’re too busy doing THIS:

Because you have a brown face (or have been told you're a Negro by New World Order) and furthermore THIS:

Is a physical impossibility, let alone THIS:

I'm glad we got that one cleared up.

All you fear is love

What with all the white noise in the news agenda, about a royal weeding (I fail to see how that can be of interest), and men being shot in countries where one does not even live, we nearly missed out on the fact that Paul McCartney is getting married again. A good thing you’d think?

Think again. A marriage must obviously contain a man, which is fair enough, but comes with a dangerous downside- women.

Luckily, the intellerati of the internet are quick to point out his mistake. gennaro perfectly skewers the crusty old fool for ever thinking he could get married again with:

“Some people never learn”

kev102846, meanwhile, points out that humans mate for life- ONE life means ONE true love!

“You only find your life's partner once and I think you found yours Paul and tragically lost her but I wish you both well anyway.”

One for the best man's speech perhaps? Jenny.H raises a word of caution- once he starts marrying women, will he be able to stop?

“Perhaps he will marry Jane Asher next.”

Not that Jane would take him after all of his money’s been depleted by this Nancy SHOVELL!

“Shevell by name, and like his previous wife she'll have a shovel in her handbag. All the better for Shevell-Shovel to shovel his money into her bank account at a later date.” Kat se gat

“Watch out Paul here comes Shevell with her shovel and other gold digging devices.” mancub

It’s like they say, Shevell by name, Shovel with Devices by nature. peony has the final word however- a cautionary tale based upon her own insights into what he secretly wants.

“Why doesn't he grow up he will never find another Linda, if that's who he's looking for!”

I quite agree- if Paul McCartney’s got any sense at all he’ll grow up, get a grip and die alone.

I’m holding out for a Churchill

And so it turns out that the traitors of the last NuLieBore GovernmenTAL were working with Johnny Foreigner.

A-side from being TREASON the issue has been making me thoughtful. It’s one thing training, arming and tolerating foreign tongues on our nation’s streets, but it would be another altogether if they gave the terrorists the keys to our secret military-industrial gene-splicing labs at Aldermaston, creating MUSQUITOES- flying Osamas with bombs for eyes, which is what I’m assuming has been going on.

The whole thing makes me decidedly hungry, but luckily I will not be dining alone. Beethoven here hits the nail on the head with this thoughtful riposte:

“Britain is sadly lacking a Winston Churchill nowadays!”

We can dream, Beethoven, we can dream. But what about the deeper issue of them TALKING FOREIGN?

Well, No.1 Chauffeur has the solution, if only the government would take the human rights out of its ears and LISTEN.

“I applied to work for MI5 as the people I drive for are all from the middle east and yap away in the car, some of them are diplomats I never even got a phone call to say come in and talk to us yet they employ and pay very well some taliban muppet from the local job-centre. I would not be supprised to learn that Bin Larden was at a Bar-B- Q in Slough yesterday.”

This is where we really need a Churchill, preferably a model #4, before they started adding the cup holder and go-faster stripes. There with his cigar of truth and listening trumpet of valour our job centres would at last would be free of Talibans!

My assistants have taken the liberty of mocking-up what this may look like, which has already bought me much comfort in these dark times of cultural infestation.

The Law Of Unintended Consequences

When you get to my age, you’ve seen a lot of things, trends come and go, trousers get tighter and looser, wine alternately cures then causes cancer.

One thing that always gets worse however, is the consequences of allowing immigration. I can barely understand my cancer surgeon and Mahmood, the financial adviser I appointed last week (was instrumental in bailing out old Digby at Twattington Manor, by all accounts) keeps saying things I don’t understand. Which is his fault.

As we learn from this post, bonbon, with a certain “Gin nay say quar”, illustrates how immigration causes the Scottish to shoot each other. Take for instance the case of this groundskeeper Callum Murray, who killed his girlfriend when she said she wanted to break up. 

The tragic old story of boy meets girl, girl wants to leave boy, immigration is too high, boy kills girl, boy kills boy. When will David Cameron start x-raying cars to prevent it? Terrorists will keep laughing up their sleeves until we do!

"What does this say about our airport security and border control ??, foreigners too swarming into our country see guns as part of their ''thing '' , we MUST tighten up security and border control , if this means checking / x raying all cars . vans , buses and lorries coming into this country then so be it , the same with everything coming in by air , we have to make Britain safe for our children , as it is , some parts of the U K is like taking a walk through a war zone , this MUST be changed , but until Cameron is kicked out of no 10 we will see more killings on our street , the moron cutting back on our police force and all other defences is the last thing we need , Britain is unfortunatetly turning into America with the amount of guns on our streets , it's terrifying ."

Starman

I’m not one for reading and analysis, really. I find I lose concentration mid-sentence, and I’m generally wary of anything with the word “anal” in it. However, this makes the day-to-day management of Cuntington Hall something of a challenge.

Thank goodness I have Jonathan Cainer to help me out. Jonathan is an astrologer, who can tell what’s going to happen in the future, and so advise on the best course of action today. When confronted with my daily challenges, he is my first port of call for useful guidance, even if it isn’t immediately clear what this has to do with the Hall’s accounts being over four months late.

“Rebecca Black, in her internet hit song, Friday, explores a concept greater that just 'the end of the week'. She explores, with deceptively simple lyrics, the agony of indecision. She cannot decide whether to sit in the front seat or the back seat of her friends' car. Clearly, millions of people across the world can relate to this conundrum. Yet, you could argue that it is irrelevant. Just get in the car Rebecca! Ah, but then there would be no song. Now, about that decision that you are wrestling with. It's no more or less important.”

Roger Helmer's Science Graph

I’ve long been an admirer of Roger Helmer, straight talking MEP climate change denier and world class amateur climate scientist.

His latest data is, as he puts it, “the most stunning refutation of global warming hysteria that I have ever seen.” And I agree. 

One glance at the best fit lines of literally all the graphs shows without a doubt that the world is in no way warming up. Thank you, Dr Helmer, for freeing us from the fascists who want us all to live in tipis and eat vegetables. There will be nothing but English steak for you at Cuntington Hall.