Blue Mercedes

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 59 years on this planet, it’s that there’s a simple answer to everything. No issue, no matter how complicated, takes more than 20 minutes for a man with Common Sense to sort out.

One such man is Balloon Rake, who stalks the BBC Have Your Say forum like a vengeful wraith, righting wrongs, solving problems and tutting at scientists. Here’s his take on Korea:

 

As I have said before, the perfect solution all of Korea is that if North Korea and South Korea were to be united as the one country, This would bring peace and harmony and North Koreans would have the same freedom as South Koreans. The sooner this happens the better, nuclear weapons are just a sideshow

 

See? Why didn’t anyone think of that before? Next, the James Webb telescope’s infra-red strap-on:

 

More money wasted by sci-fi nut jobs, this money could be put to much better use. When you have seen one star then you have seen them all. James Webb has far too much time on his hands, at the end of a day a telescope is a telescope.

 

Finally, exiting Europe via our Eurovision entry:

Engelbert Humperdinck must be desperate for cash if he is entering the Eurovison Song Contest, Britains entries over recent years have been drivel leaning towards the manufactured X-Factor rubbish type songs. If Britain wants to win Eurovision then they should a song called "It's Better To Stand Alone (Than Be In The Eurozone)".

And it could be sung by Blue Mercedes

 

Boom! Whilst simultaneously bringing back a much-loved 80’s footnote no less! Jarvis – you may set the dining table in the Long Room for two! 

Whole lotta shakin going on

 

And so it is that a treatment for Parkinson’s disease has been developed via gene therapy. Good news, you say? 

You’d think so wouldn’t you. 

Actually, think of the flip side:

 

Posted by: Tom1957 on April 12, 2012 3:03 PM

Strega wrore "Fantastic news! Let's get this on the NHS immediately"

Why? So every sufferer in europe can come here for free treatment!!!

 

That’s right – you make cures available on the NHS and you’re VIRTUALLY GUARANTEED to be OVERRUN WITH FOREIGNERS trying to get their hands on the stuff. I’ve a better idea – stop ALL treatments on the NHS and watch Johnny Foreigner swarm back towards Dover! Simples!

 

Daybreaker, meanwhile, thinks there may be a way to have the treatment AND put the boot into foreigners at the same time.

 

Posted by: daybreaker on April 12, 2012 12:22 PM

More advances in the medical field can only make peoples lives better. I just wish there was more money coming from the goverment, rather than sending it (foreign aid) abroad to so called third world countries, like india and pakistan who have nuclear weapons!

 

I can’t decide which I prefer. Both target foreigners, but while Daybreaker targets the disenfranchised poor, Tom1957’s plan has the advantage of targeting people who speak funny on the bus. There’s nothing for it but a slap-up dinner!

Mad Cow Denise

I’m no great fan of The Economist. In addition to their over-detailed articles and sesquipedalian sentences, the comments section always seems light on Common Sense. That is until now.

Cruising the comments on a number of articles, I found myself increasingly in accord with the charming teachings of DeniseIam. Holding forth on a variety of topics, Denise employs subjetificated historianism and interpretive semantics to make her points, whilst never forgetting her core philosophy, to wit:

"Racism" is self-preservation - and it's normal, and healthy.”

Ah, but of course! What could be more healthy and illuminating that judging a person primarily on the race you perceive them to be? But the lesson doesn’t end there, and here for your delectation are a selection of her other TRUTHS.

Truth fact: Banking

“Adolf tried to warn every-one....”

Ok. But to be fair she’s just warming up. Give her a minute.

Truth fact: US troops abroad

“Blah blah blah. Stop blaming Anglos. You Me stiz os have caused plenty of problems for yourself, long before the White Bearded Gods landed in your neck of the jungle. Tsk tsk tsk...you really ought not complain about others, when your main cultural contribution to world civilization is the glorification of cannibalism.”

That’s more like it! Responding to one Ricky Munoz with the Aristotelian blah, blah, you're a stinky face reposte, she rightly surmises that he is from a jungle region, which endorses cannibalism. This must be because:

“RACE is in the DNA.”

And so is culture, and we rightly hate the culture of DNA other than our own, and the DNA line is racially pure, otherwise her argument would be, well, just stupid!  Let’s try another:

Truth fact: Mexicans

“You;ve just revealed the TRUTH of this - the TRUTH - the Mexicans want ot go HOME.

mexico is their HOME.

Not Gringo Land.

Mexico

That's WHY Americans RIGHTFULLY HATE THEM.”

I always wondered. But I also wonder, can Denise help sort out the tricky dichotomy between people making an area of land their place of residence within the past few hundred years and people from outside that country wishing to make it their place of residence today? She can? Great!

Truth fact: Places of residence

“America was CREATED by SETTLERS. Not "immigrants". Who here knows the difference?”

There you go! it’s not like there was an indigenous population of any kind already there when the first SETTLERS arrived at Plymouth Rock.

I would so like to meet Denise, and she suggests we do. In fact she suggests we party together!

Truth fact: Par-tays

“I invite you Academic Ivory Tower types to contact me. We will party, err....par-tay...next weekend,..”

However

“You may want to come armed. I will be armed. I will be able to handle myself - but I can't account for you.”

Ah, but Denise - you had me at “racism is healthy”.

The Big Bang Theory

 

The search for veracity in science is often a tricky thing. For every detailed metastudy proving anthropogenic global warming, there’s someone,  a non-scientist perhaps, who doubts the findings.

The same is true in the search for Bigfoot. There have been plenty of sightings, but why hasn’t he been seen yet? The “scientists “ will tell you it’s because he doesn’t exist, but apply if you will for a moment occam’s razor to this situation and you begin to see: you can’t see Bigfoot because he’s obviously travelling through multiple dimensions. Brother_of_The_Rosy_Cross has some knowledge:

"*Sigh* It is very sad how uninformed and ignorant most people are of the basic facts of the nature of existence. We occupy 3rd dimensional physical reality, though we are essentially spiritual beings temporarily engrossed in dense matter. Bigfoot is inter-dimensional, and can slip in and out of 3D reality. This is not merely my 'belief', I am not simply making this up, I speak from Knowledge."

Perhaps more sinister is tuis idea that there was ever a “big-bang” - bangs destroy things, right?
SBTC knows the truth:

"The Big-daddy of all myths is the actual "Bigbang-theory", as Not one shred of Scientific evidence can prove it happened at all. When was the last time you saw an explosion create? "Bangs" Deconstruct (oh dear oh dear)."

Not a shred of scientific evidence! Someone needs to tell Brian Cox, and put him onto the basic fact of existence that Bigfoot is a transdimensional spirit-being who isn’t constrained by space or time and can maintain whole-body integrity at full size as he travels.