CSI: Africa

Earlier today I was very excited to receive a letter from my American cousin Mr Chet DWP Powell esq, Chief Executive of Marlboro’s youth marketing division in Gobblers Crossing, Alabama. The letter contained a single URL, a smiley face and a single gob of dried chewing tobacco.

Tentatively, I dictated the URL to my Assistant, who typed it into a inter net browser, and what should come up but a lovely surprise!

The article in question was called “Why black people don’t trust the police” and the comment section was literally littered with potential guests for dinner at Cuntington Hall, their comments strewn among the Trayvon Martin references like steaming piles of liquid wisdom.

First up was Nicksaenz, with his thesis about the community of Africa:

nicksaenz1
here's a simple fact that has been perpetuating for centuries: the black community is a violent and self destructive one. proof: Africa.

It’s a result of this that:

chewylouie
The Asians don't like the Blacks,, the gays can't stand them. The latinos can't live side by side with them.

This is unfortunate for a Type 2 African, whose self loathing must be in a league of its own:

TruthHurts00
There are two types of black men...those who father illegitimate children...and gays.

jray11, meanwhile, has his sights set firmly on practical measures:

jray11
"what percentage of violent crime/murder has to be from blacks before its okay to racially profile?"

Sadly, he will never have satisfaction, because the blacks cannot ever be civilised or un-criminal, but if you say that they’ll call you a racist!

Lofter
"I suppose expecting blacks to be civilized and non-criminal is "RACIST!" Gotcha, liberal media."

I suppose so!

Colonel Mustard and the case of the politically correct spandex pants

And so Stella MacCarney’s designs for Team GB’s Olympic garb have retched forth into newspapers across the land, to the dismay of many like me. Attractive and practical they may be, but what’s missing?

I’ll tell you what’s missing.

IT’S THE UNION FLAG WOT’S MISSING, SUNSHINE!

You can’t have a BRITISH Team wearing an ADULTERATED symbol of BRITAIN! The bloody thing’s gone blue!

Once again we will be the laughing stock of the world,...

says - Colonel Mustard, Oldham England, 22/3/2012 13:06

...more modern more politically correct more like.

Bloody well right. Bloody politically correct bloody blue bloody shorts, standing up for minorities at the expense of this ONCE GREAT NATUION.

Meanwhile, RH wants to know why:

Who gave her permission to do this? The Great British public own that brand and she certainly didn’t ask for our permission. - RH, North East UK, 22/3/2012 13:23

Now I think about it, RH, you’re right. This so-called woman turned my favourite flag BLUE and didn’t even have the good grace to knock on my door or call a meeting to ask my permission! It is UNION JACK PANTS or NO PANTS.


These games will be the end of the UK - you mark my words! 

RH, Colonel Mustard, I propose a light supper at the Hall to discuss how we’re going to sneak more appropriately be-flagged running pants into the Olympic Village.