Science Vs Fact

It was while visiting a seance at the County Fair that I first met Jonathan Cainer.

The old gypsy lady shuddered, her eyes rolling back into her head as an eerie voice emanated from her like aural raspberry ripple. I looked around at the five others present. One was in a snazzy waistcoat and matching fez. It was Jonathan Cainer.

“Someone’s here. Someone beginning with the letter “D”” She said
“Do they have a surname?” I enquired, “It would be easier if they’d tell you their surname.”
“Shh”, said Cainer, “You’ll break the spell. Spirits are like teenagers. Reluctant. Closed  answers.”
“D-Daniel?” muttered the Crone. We all shook our heads to say “no”.
“Duh-Duhooa-Da- David?” She ventured. We shook our heads no again.

Suddenly it hit me. “Dante!” I yelped, referring to one of the Dobermans back at the Hall. “Yeeeeees!” the crone wavered, fixing me with a beady eye. “Dante! He says he is well, and missing you. And he misses his old bike!”

“Well”, thought I, “That is a turn up for the books. I had no idea he was missing me, nor indeed that he was dead as he seemed fine this morning. I am confused about the bike however. Maybe he’s referring to his mate Missy! Who knew he had such a keen sense of humour!”

The seance ended and we wandered blinking into the sunny fairground outside the velvet tent. “I am thoroughly convinced,” I told Cainer. “You should have an astrological reading done.” he said, and talked me through the various payment options.

“How much for the 5-Star service?”, I asked.
“£5.95 a month.” he said
“How much for your regular prediction?” I asked
“It’s free.” he said
“I’ll have a regular prediction, please.” I said.

This. Is that prediction.

“They don't teach astrology in universities anymore. They consider it too mystical. Yet they still teach economics. They still pretend, too, that psychology is a reputable scientific subject. And they still teach physics with all its wild, mind-boggling and (as yet unproven) hypotheses. The people who reckon to know how the world works actually know surprisingly little. But they are very good at using long words. Now, about the explanation that you are currently being offered regarding a certain situation. Be wary of so-called experts.”

No sooner as I got home, Dante bounded up to me- he wasn’t dead at all! Instead of talking to the spirits, that silly old crone must have entered the mind of my doberman! I gave Dante a big hug and fed him a steak from the fridge for having such a  good sense of humour.

Eerie. Cainer had been right all along. This “so called expert” psychic was nothing but an enormous fraud, as is physics.

I shall be treading more carefully from now on. With one eye on my wallet and one eye on the stars. No more will I trust in science. Instead I will observe the physical universe, note down the correlation between objects and fate (agreeing the effects by comparing notes with my fellow stargazers) and use it to make predictions, not baseless hypotheses.