I’m holding out for a Churchill

And so it turns out that the traitors of the last NuLieBore GovernmenTAL were working with Johnny Foreigner.

A-side from being TREASON the issue has been making me thoughtful. It’s one thing training, arming and tolerating foreign tongues on our nation’s streets, but it would be another altogether if they gave the terrorists the keys to our secret military-industrial gene-splicing labs at Aldermaston, creating MUSQUITOES- flying Osamas with bombs for eyes, which is what I’m assuming has been going on.

The whole thing makes me decidedly hungry, but luckily I will not be dining alone. Beethoven here hits the nail on the head with this thoughtful riposte:

“Britain is sadly lacking a Winston Churchill nowadays!”

We can dream, Beethoven, we can dream. But what about the deeper issue of them TALKING FOREIGN?

Well, No.1 Chauffeur has the solution, if only the government would take the human rights out of its ears and LISTEN.

“I applied to work for MI5 as the people I drive for are all from the middle east and yap away in the car, some of them are diplomats I never even got a phone call to say come in and talk to us yet they employ and pay very well some taliban muppet from the local job-centre. I would not be supprised to learn that Bin Larden was at a Bar-B- Q in Slough yesterday.”

This is where we really need a Churchill, preferably a model #4, before they started adding the cup holder and go-faster stripes. There with his cigar of truth and listening trumpet of valour our job centres would at last would be free of Talibans!

My assistants have taken the liberty of mocking-up what this may look like, which has already bought me much comfort in these dark times of cultural infestation.

The Law Of Unintended Consequences

When you get to my age, you’ve seen a lot of things, trends come and go, trousers get tighter and looser, wine alternately cures then causes cancer.

One thing that always gets worse however, is the consequences of allowing immigration. I can barely understand my cancer surgeon and Mahmood, the financial adviser I appointed last week (was instrumental in bailing out old Digby at Twattington Manor, by all accounts) keeps saying things I don’t understand. Which is his fault.

As we learn from this post, bonbon, with a certain “Gin nay say quar”, illustrates how immigration causes the Scottish to shoot each other. Take for instance the case of this groundskeeper Callum Murray, who killed his girlfriend when she said she wanted to break up. 

The tragic old story of boy meets girl, girl wants to leave boy, immigration is too high, boy kills girl, boy kills boy. When will David Cameron start x-raying cars to prevent it? Terrorists will keep laughing up their sleeves until we do!

"What does this say about our airport security and border control ??, foreigners too swarming into our country see guns as part of their ''thing '' , we MUST tighten up security and border control , if this means checking / x raying all cars . vans , buses and lorries coming into this country then so be it , the same with everything coming in by air , we have to make Britain safe for our children , as it is , some parts of the U K is like taking a walk through a war zone , this MUST be changed , but until Cameron is kicked out of no 10 we will see more killings on our street , the moron cutting back on our police force and all other defences is the last thing we need , Britain is unfortunatetly turning into America with the amount of guns on our streets , it's terrifying ."

Starman

I’m not one for reading and analysis, really. I find I lose concentration mid-sentence, and I’m generally wary of anything with the word “anal” in it. However, this makes the day-to-day management of Cuntington Hall something of a challenge.

Thank goodness I have Jonathan Cainer to help me out. Jonathan is an astrologer, who can tell what’s going to happen in the future, and so advise on the best course of action today. When confronted with my daily challenges, he is my first port of call for useful guidance, even if it isn’t immediately clear what this has to do with the Hall’s accounts being over four months late.

“Rebecca Black, in her internet hit song, Friday, explores a concept greater that just 'the end of the week'. She explores, with deceptively simple lyrics, the agony of indecision. She cannot decide whether to sit in the front seat or the back seat of her friends' car. Clearly, millions of people across the world can relate to this conundrum. Yet, you could argue that it is irrelevant. Just get in the car Rebecca! Ah, but then there would be no song. Now, about that decision that you are wrestling with. It's no more or less important.”

Roger Helmer's Science Graph

I’ve long been an admirer of Roger Helmer, straight talking MEP climate change denier and world class amateur climate scientist.

His latest data is, as he puts it, “the most stunning refutation of global warming hysteria that I have ever seen.” And I agree. 

One glance at the best fit lines of literally all the graphs shows without a doubt that the world is in no way warming up. Thank you, Dr Helmer, for freeing us from the fascists who want us all to live in tipis and eat vegetables. There will be nothing but English steak for you at Cuntington Hall.