Awry look at the headlines

Well, we English have certainly enjoyed bombing all those Libyans over the past few months, but it will all have been for nothing if Gaddafi isn’t brutalised by Italians. It is in my opinion more appropriate that he is taken to the Hague to stand trial, rather than an English Magistrates court as if he was he’d be given a cushy prison cell with a television and Wii and a Playstation then let out on remand with £50 and given a house and some free benefits!

So in thrall are we to the European Court of Human Rights, we must turn to non-European countries such as France to undertake his torture and execution. David Quarrie feels the same way and, as he’s inviting Libyans to kill their former leader, I will be inviting him to a slap-up dinner at the Hall!

Go on Rebecca

It would appear that I was wrong about nurse Rebecca Leighton, whom I judged guilty of killing patients with a saline drip after reviewing the case on the television. I must apologise to her friends and elderly parents for the inclement letters I sent to them, and the anonymous charges of child molestation I levelled against her sister. It would appear she is innocent.

The news she wants to sue the police is nevertheless unsettling, as years ago there was no such thing as compensation - indeed it only bubbled into existence in 2050 BC. The Americanisation of the world in the time since remains one of the more outrageous legacies of the last Labour government and I’m delighted to say I’ve found someone who shares my point of view.

Meet ianston, who further explores the ground rules for ethical compensation i.e. compensation destroys everything, if you’re a foreigner, but then again she’s British, the Police are inept now he’s left the force and she’s going to need some cash to escape the UK now its seceded from the 1st world. 

Go on Rebecca - save yourself and move abroad before you're surrounded by foreigners!

"Years ago there was no such thing as compensation! This American culture is destroying everything, from social to working environments and everything in between. However, in my working profession I have seen the majority of claimants to be foreigners and so it makes a change that someone is going to sue and that someone is actually British! As for the Police, I can safely say that across the country, certainly for the Met, they are not the same efficient force of years ago. Fast tracking a PC to be a detective after about a year on the street. Recruiting people that would not have even got past the application stage years ago and having more concern with regards to PR, than fighting crime, all adds to a mess of a Police force, much like country! So go on Rebecca, sue, get the million and get leave for a better life away from this third world mess!"

 

A lack of knowledge

What with phone hacking, shop burning and phone tapping bamboozling our short attention spans it’s easy to forget that there are real crises in the world, crises caused by there being too may people in areas of famine.

Luckily Roy Davey has the answer- reduce the number of mouths to feed by preventing their existence in the first place! That way, instead of having children to feed, the people of Ethiopia can retire early and enjoy their pensions while nobody runs the farms - it’s not like the chance of reaching adulthood is really slim or anything. Either that we should just let them die - Britain can't afford to give food to starving people when there are still some fairly big potholes that need fixing down my road! 

Silly foreigners living in places that then have a natural disaster.

Grand Designs

Three years into he recession and there’s still nothing but property programes on the television, but is it enough? If not, littleblodwen has some intriguing interior designs of his own.

“Personally the thought of open plan living does not appeal at all. We have just bulit a conservatory to serve mainly as a chill out zone.There is no TV or radio here or undue noise allowed, it is a place for those who need a little solitude from our frantic everyday life. A healthy need for everyone I believe. it certainly keeps me sane. ( I hope!)”

I’m sure it does, littleblodwen. What sane man hasn’t built a bespoke solitude zone in their house? They called me crazy when I order my staff to sellotape pencil erasers to the undersides of their shoes to deaden the sounds of their footsteps, but who looks crazy now eh?

I predict a bigot

And so it is that London erupts in flames and looters and pillagers take to the streets and all the politicians an talk about is the “complex causes” motivating these thugs.

Poppycock. It’s simple- blacks and Muslims are to blame, allowed to flood into this Once Great Land by Zionist infiltrators and their Marxist traitor allies following WWII and finally there is a Facebook page for all like-minded Patriots to express their fury.

Karen Ingrane sets the pace with a withering analyis of the state of modern Britain:

“We will not tolerate this disgraceful violence. The investigation continues to bring these criminals to justice."Oh please! what a sodding lie! They have put up with it since WWII when the traitors started flooding our land with immigrants criminals. The truth is the police stand by while Zionist infiltrators and their Marxist traitor allies jail patriotic Brits who time and time point out that it is this scum who course the trouble.”

Precisely. It’s not until we stop judging people on their actions and start judging them by their race and religion that we’re going to get anywhere because they course all the trouble. Ergo, ipso-facto if you let people in who course all the trouble, all the trouble will be coursed!

Before WWII this never happened and Britain was a green and pleasant land- why? Because white people are simply not capable of acts of monstrous barbarism.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself and women

Flicking through the Western Daily Press the other day, a letter caught my eye. Although as a Bournmouthian he was a long way from home he nevertheless recounts a common experience in my own life. I mean, who hasn’t, whilst venturing abroad in England’s cities fair, seen provocatively-dressed women laughing and talking?

Worse still, if one sticks one’ nose in the air and harrumphs loudly whilst passing them, they only laugh all the louder!

It’s an epidemic, nay, a WAR. Yes - it’s as bad as a war. Just as Simon Jenkins was correct to classify to the regeneration of Portobello Road as rape, so this is war- but don’t take my word for it - see for yourself the unmitigated hell of a Bournemouth Hen do.

 

The only thing he left out is how many of them, to judge by their reaction to me, must be lesbians.

"In Fear of Foul and Abusive Women

I was not the least surprised to learn that a judge has condemned Ladettes who are turning the city of dreaming spires, Oxford, into a war zone.

We have the same problem down here in Bournemouth. I will not venture into the town centre after 10pm (particularly on Fridays and Saturdays) for fear of having to run the gauntlet of drink and/or drug fuelled , foul mouthed provocatively dressed ladettes- who seem to think it’s funny to stagger around screaming abuse at anyone they take exception to. In fact, if four letter obscenities did not exist - most of them would be incapable of speech.

As many of them are in hen-night groups, I can’t help but feel sorry for their husbands-to-be. Sadly it is increasingly common (pun intended) for women to behave like anti-social louts - they are far more threatening than young men who may be boisterous, but do not generally behave in an aggressive manner to other members of the public...”

Magic 8 Ball

It’s been quiet here at The Hall.

I stand here looking at the dining room - quiet now, although the ghosts of silent laughter from guests passim, the great tales that have been told by my guests over the weeks and months echoing in my mind and the “Pakkis go home” etched into surface of my Jacobean dining table tell a tale of a project well conceived.

But what to do about my Great Loneliness?

The answer lies in organisation. I need a dinner guest who can see the world for what it is- full of people infinitely less wise than themselves and able to instantly divine the correct course of action.

A man like Richard J Dolan. Try it- chuck a topic his way and watch him catch it, examine it, skewer it with insight and hurl it back at you wrapped in TRUTH, exactly like the Magic 8 Ball I use to decide most of my important decisions. I’ll start. Ermmm. 

Q: What are the motives behind the assasination of of a leading member of a Pakistani political party? (shake, shake, shake)

Dolantruth:  “The answer is simply we seem to welcome BENEFIT SCROUNGERS !”

Wow. I’ll try another. 

Q: What do we think about 14,000 women and children fleeing violence in the Ivory Coast? (shake, shake, shake)

Dolantruth: “Give them aid and the money goes on guns, explosives and their so called leaders also put money away in Swiss Bank Accounts awaiting a rainy day....They are their own worst enemies and you cannot keep throwing money away at their problems, caused by their own stupidity.”

Alright. Q: What do we think about the drowning of a beloved and respected Professor? (shake, shake, drop, pick up, shake, shake, shake)

Dolantruth: “one must always wear a life jacket no ,matter how short the journey.”

 Q: Is Dominic Strauss-Kahn guilty of rape? (tip)

Dolantruth: “Look, just lock her up. It is clearly a set up and send her back to where the came from. We all know what sort of woman she is !”

A womaney women, I’ll warrant. A viper’s nest of deceit and evidence. 

Q: Pastor Terry Jones burning a Koran? (spin, shake, shake, shake)

Dolantruth: “Why oh why do the Muslims behave like this ?”

 Q: Murder case botched? (shakity, shake, shake. Drop, shake shake)

Dolantruth: Bring back George Dixon and his colleagues.

The world is a simpler place with Richard J Dolan in it. I so want him here I will dispatch one of my Assistants to go to his home, persuade him to leave, wash him if necessary and protect him on the short journey ‘twixt house and car.

Cuntington Hall shall rise again!