Badly stuffed

Cruising the interwebs with my Assistant Leroy (he operates the mouse, I bark instructions - “left”, “right”, “cats please” etc) I was delighted to come across this post from the ever-delightful Daily Mail on the lost art of taxidermy. 

It seems that these hapless plebs have been ROBBING THE DIGNITY of animals, who otherwise would have enjoyed the dignified end of having a spike driven up their arsehole and mounted, when what should we see?! A FUNNY-LOOKING LADY!!!!!

The intellerati of the Mail were there quick as a flash to point out to the woman that her face was indeed HILARIOUSLY UGLY! This is good because otherwise she’d have had no way of knowing that she looked like a dog - no offense, of course. Here are the Top Ten rated comments:

I don't know who looks worse on the 6th picture down. The woman or the dog!?....- Molkomad, Leeds, 19/9/2012 15:37 

that women looks just like that dog....no offence to her...just unfortunate face- yaz, brum, United Kingdom, 19/9/2012 15:42

The human with the dog, could you please state which one of them is stuffed! to me the dog looks better than the girl - blueyonda, espoo, 19/9/2012 16:08

Ha ha ha hilarious! The woman with the dog is uglier than the dog....- carlinc, cheltenham UK, United Kingdom, 19/9/2012 16:55 

That's alright, I didn't really want to sleep tonight anyway...- Jakers, Worcester, 19/9/2012 15:36

was the woman stuffed in 6th picture? - the lady...., residing in suffolk, United Kingdom, 19/9/2012 16:07

All pretty terrible, but I think the most disturbing image is that woman's face :/ - BB, Birmingham, 19/9/2012 22:51

I love the birds playing pool!!! And yes, sadly, the woman looks much uglier than the dog - Mike Oxlong, Cockburn Town, Australia, 19/9/2012 16:17

Lovely, lovely people all of them. It just makes me glad to know that if I were ever to suffer a disfigurement, be born with a face outside of the normal range or just indeed be photographed at an unfortunate angle, the fine, upstanding readers of the daily Mail will be there to laugh and point.

Oh, Jesus

You know, I love the Daily Mail as much as the next man. It’s just so normal isn’t it? It just says what people should be thinking. And if they’re not, then they should be forced to think it.

There is one exception however. A recent story where they have playfully suggested that the Bible is not the One True Word of Almighty God. According to some heretics, the Bible was just a compendium of differing accounts of Jesus and several accounts had to be modified or discarded as they claimed diametrically opposed teachings.

I am of the more sensible view that it was all written at once and anyone who produces documentary evidence to the contrary is the devil who has taken a human form. But I am not going to debate this now, because there is no need to. Produce all the “proof” you want that there are multiple interpretations, or that the whole thing is just some made-up nonsense but know this:

some research cannot be the basis for denying what we have been taught since birth..

- roma, india, 19/9/2012 6:17

We are unshakable in our faith.

A couple of tits

Oh so now it’s Kate Middleton topless is it? Eh?! ALRIGHT is it? Just a bit of HARMLESS FUN is it Kate? NO! It’s a BLOODY OUTRAGE is what it is!

I am seething. You can have a lot of things in this modern ENGLAND. I’ll let you have your Tescos Metros, your internet. I quite like microwaves! But the FUTURE QUEEN with her BAPS. OUT. I’m afraid is a BIG! FAT! NO!

I’m sorry. I need to calm down. Look at this rationally. How did this come to pass?

lewis j cook knows:

“the bb gen were ww3 gen but now their 666 tv sex revolution made offspring falsely assume this 666 tv and tv govt is the way of the new milleneum.” lewis j cook

Are you sure? Are you saying we should have had a war, but instead got caught up with 666 tv sex? And what does this have to do with the Queen’s tits?

“this is the 1964 british perpetuated sex revolution comeing back to haunt the british monarchy who perpetuated this in usa to subvert the usa .” lewis j cook

Oh I see! It was the Royals who attempted to subvert the USA with a 666 tv sex revolution. Who knew they had it in them?! Still, I’m not sure the tone is yet vindictive enough...

“Don't know why we are too surprised the French would sell their own grandmothers for few francs sums up there Country and their culture. We should have left them under German rule.....well they are now anyway!!” wythall wanderer

That’s much better, thank you. BLOODY FROGS! Sell their own grandmothers for an onion they would or a bottle of wine or a bike or a stripy jumper or an accordion, some frogs legs, a tower, some bread or just a big box of Surrender.

The last word has to go to Stevio, though. Because, when our future Queen goes on holiday to France and is snapped with a long lens by a paparazzoid, one issue stands out above them all:

“If only the Muslim community could have vented their anger on a public forum over that 'controversial' film, rather than going on a killing rampage.” stevio

Precisely.